Tama & Company
by Clefster1
Summary: This is the story of all my friends and how we met...sorta. Its dumb, but then so are we. Ties in with THE ULTIMATE BOUT. The fifth chapter is up.
1. The Miko

TAMA NO MIKO

Chapter 1: The Miko

One day a young almost French girl named Su-Z was walking to the cellar to milk the cow, when she tripped and fell on a bowl of Jell-O. "I don't like grape peanut butter," she mumbled before blacking out.

"How can someone be almost French?" asked a precocious little child in the audience. The narrator ignored this annoying little imp, and continued with her story {note that Clefster1 is not the narrator of this one.}

When the young girl awoke she was sitting on a large gingerbread house. Normally she would have been excited by the very idea of an edible hovel, but she was at the moment being distracted by a girl with long curly blonde hair sitting yoga style on a magic carpet floating in front of her face.

"Are you the one?" asked the seemingly harmless…person. 

"Probably, considering this is how every really good fantasy writer that doesn't know how to start their story does it. Maybe this time it won't be about the English monarchy and drugs, but alas I fear it is too late now," The narrator gave her an annoyed glance. As she finished her comment Su-z started humming Lady Marmalade. 

"That's it!" The girl, who for now we'll just call K-T.

"nani?" Su-z asked blankly.

"That is the ancient tune of Tama, and you are the Tama no Miko!" 

"…blink blink," Su-Z was perplexed, but not one to miss out on a good time and possibly get some sake along the way she went along with it and asked, "Wow, sounds important, what do I have to do?"

KT turned her head towards the sunrise and looked out over the country, "This is the Universe of the Five Gods, and you are to be the priestess of the fifth, Tama the cat. You must gather the seven seishi of Tama to summon the great god and have your most precious wish granted."

"I don't really have a wish so…"

"Of course you have a wish, you're a miko. Don't you want to return to your home?"

"Dude, I am sitting on a cottage made from ginger bread. I think I'm fine where I am."

"I am a failure as a poet," K-T sobbed and disappeared into a puff of smoke.

Su-Z stayed where she was and mnched on a shingle while pondering infinity. She figured after she had successfully annoyed the narrator by doing nothing for days on end, she would begin her quest…


	2. 

Chapter 2: Daigle of Bagelton

When the narrator was about to go into cardiac arrest from screaming at Su so much, an when the hovel on which she was sitting and eating was just about gone, the proclaimed Tama no Miko decided to begin searching for her seishi. So she hopped on a bus. 

"Who knew they would have busses in such an ancient type place?" she wondered aloud, but she wasn't one to complain about modern conveniences so she paid her toll in drachmas and boarded. She took a seat near the rear of the bus and settled in. Being a bit nosy, Su-z soon noticed the two older ladies sitting in front of her gossiping, so she listened in just for kicks.

"I would watch out if I were her, Koko's follower's will be majorly ticked. "

"I know it! I don't think I would show my pretty little face around thinking that I might be mugged by a monkey lover, but you have to admit Tama was the natural choice between the two."

"I wouldn't be sayin' that out loud if I was you."

"I know it! Bu tit was democratic and lead by such a smart little boy…"

Su began to realize that they were talking about her. "Oh my, I've been here for like ten seconds (not counting the days I sat there eating that house) and people already hate me…oh well, they probly cake on the make up to try to look like Barbie and wear overalls to hoe-downs…"

"You mean you're the miko?" asked an equally nosy little boy sitting adjacent to her. 

Su pulled a gun from her robe, actually she was kind of shocked at this but it wasn't her way to complain, "Who are you?"

"I hang out with the followers of that monkey, Koko, we play demonic sports together." Said the child ignoring the fake out-of-a-George-Lucas-movie-looking gun.

"Then prepare to die," she said nudgin' the gun a bit closer to his face.

"Hey watch it! Let me introduce myself before you blow my head off. I am Daigle of Bagelton, and…despite my sucking up to Koko, I am a Tama seishi," he said pulling his shirt up to reveal the kanji for Tic-tacs tattooed on his "abs."

Su-chan looked no-plussed.

"And I dislike grape flavored peanut butter," he said in a matter of fact tone lifting his right pointer finger and cocking his head down a bit.

"Oh, you must be ok then. Who knew finding my sashi would be this easy."

"That's seishi and if you want to find them all you better come with me to the pearly gates."

"You mean heaven," Su-z asked stupefied.

"No, the "Pearly Gates" its my dentist's office. I have an appointment to have my teeth cleaned before we hit the rode to collect your followers."

"Followers, I'm liking this place," Su-z said, though her mind was wandering…"mmm, I want some cabbage, but not the fluorescent orange kind…"

"Whatever," Daigle said munching on a bagel, a sweet drop appeared on his head and he tried to bat it away like a cat being annoyed by a piece of dust, but he couldn't and just ended up hurting himself…

"..The wheels on the bus go round and round…" sang the children in the audience.

"Shut up and be amused by my story you idiot children," the narrator said "calmly" before fainting.

"Well that's all for that chapter I guess" said Daigle, "dang that one was dumb there wasn't even any sake."

"You like sake?" asked the miko.

"Ya!" The gave each other high fives and pranced arm-in-arm towards the dentist's office. This was the start of a rather screw ball friendship, but what more could be expected…


	3. Goody Goody

Chapter 3: Goody Goody

Chapter 3: Goody Goody

~A Few hours Later~

"Ouch," said Su-chan as her butt hit the concrete. She and her new companion had been thrown out of the rather our-of-place bus for yelling obscenities.

"How was I supposed to know the driver understood Creole?" Su asked annoyed. She turned around to notice Daigle drooling over a wooden sign, "What is it?" She knocked him out of the way to read the sign.

"Vending machines this way," Daigle recited drooling all over the grass. 

"Woohoo! They probly have sake," Su-z said. The Bagel prince shook his head in whole hearted agreement. 

The land they had entered was a very strange one. All the buildings were big and arranged precariously. Many of the walls had been painted by someone who obviously had no sense of color coordination, for they were all shades of Pepto Bismal pink. Not to mention the srieks of horror that emited from what seemed to be a large reading facility.

"Reading facility? Why don't you just say library," Su-z yelled at the narrator, who was off stage.

"Shut Up! Reading facility is the proper term!" the narrator stamped her foot.

Daigle was examining a map he had picked up from the "reading facility."

"It appears that we can get to the snack room easiest by crossing through the Science Lobby."

"Well then…Science Lobby, Ho!" SuZ pointed north as she yhelled with conviction. Daigle gave her a strange look and then began walking away. 

When they arrived at the science lobby, the doors opened on their own. The two tried to ignore a sign stating that it only opened for the mentally unstable, but it had a great big yellow splotch right in the middle. As they entered, the duo heard strange murmuring from below a balcony. 

"I'm Goody Itchy, and I'm Goody Scratchy. We may look a little bit shaggy. Winning boys is our favorite game, and gossip is our claim to fame," one of the women lifted up her right sleeve to reveal the kanji for scratchy on her arm, and the other itchy.

"Well, there are out next two," SuZ said happily, but Daigle didn't here her because he was struck by a viscous, harsh, and unforgiving disease…love. 


	4. The Belabored Point

Belabored Point 

Su-Z looked away from Daigle, who had been afflicted with the equivalent of the Ebola virus. She starred back down over the balcony at the two seishi. They seemed to have been reciting their rather odd verse to intimidate a short blonde haired girl wearing what appeared to be a bubble gum pink potato sack. 

"Like totally whatever! We want to like meet in here and like put on our make up like later after our like dining time is over in like activity period. Like totally!" said the demonic girl with no fashion sense.

"This is our turf, Barbie! Why don't you like like like like like like go put on your make up somewhere else," said one of the girls. 

"No, I can like do what I want." She retorted.

"Then prepare to meet your doom!" said the other seishi. The two girls pulled up their sleeves once again to reveal their kanji. 

"ITCHY!"

"SCRATCHY!" 

"I can't stand this any longer," yelled the over bearing director. "It should be Scraggy!"

"No. It makes more sense this way….itchy and scratchy. They are both annoying bodily ailments. Now shut up we are in the middle of a battle scene," Said Goody Itchy. 

"ITCHY!"

"SCRATCHY!"

A small child from the audience, who was wearing light blue sweet shirt, stood up and yelled, "HEY! HEY! They're like Team Rocket from Pokemon! 'Jesse! James!' and 'Itchy! Scratchy!'"

"Sit down, shut up, and never again compare us to such vile creatures," said a more than slightly perturbed Goody Scratchy. 

"ITCHY!"

"SCRATCHY!" 

The two girls' seishi symbols glowed neon green and….

"Hi, I'm Su-chan and…" Our heroine slung her self down from the balcony but she was cut off.

"I don't care if you're Mahatma Ghandi. We are going to torture this little twitty popular girl and we are not going to be disturbed!" the two shrieked in unison.

"Well, I am Tama no Miko." Su said matter-of-factly.

"Oh," the two girls' sobered, "Please hold." They turned away from their miko. 

"ITCHY!"

"SCRATCHY"

The symbols glowed and the anorexic popular girl began to twitch. Soon she was rolling on the floor in pain itching and scratching all over her body. Then she screamed, "LIKE SCREAM!" and ran away.

"Wow that was a cool trick!" SuZ said as a Daigle's limp body fell over the balcony onto the floor in front of her. 

Goody Itchy leaned down to examine the unconscious figure, " Who's this one, looks like a pox ridden badger." However, being sarcastic was her way of masking her true feeling on the subject.

"He's one of my traveling companions. Another of the seishi like you guys. Look," Su-Z showed the Goodys Daigle's seishi symbol. 

Suddenly, without warning (that's kind of redundant isn't it? -narrator), a flaming dessert fell through the sky and into the science lobby. 

"What the heck?" the party wondered allowed…


	5. A Sugary Interlude

The four of them leaned over the flaming dessert and prodded it with a stick from one of the on-crack science projects that were cluttering the area. 

"Ouch, don't do that! I am not really a flaming dessert. It was a curse put on me by an evil space pirate who had a run in with my dad, Captain Kirk," said the odd sugary treat.

"Oooooh," the others let out a sigh because they couldn't eat it.

"Eat me? What a preposterous idea," the dessert shot a warning glance at the narrator. I'm not sure how she did it, being a dessert, but she pulled it off nicely.

"Well, we'll be happy to help lift the curse, if you want to accompany us to the Pearly Gates," SuZ offered.

"You mean…kill me?!?!?!?!?!?" the dessert was taken a back.

"No. No, the Pearly Gates is Daigle's dentist's office," she explained. "Right Daigle?"

He didn't notice because he was munching a bagel and trying not to stare at Goody Itchy.

"Oooh, let me have one," Su wasn't quite over not getting to eat her new friend.

"I have Jesus, TaeBo, and cow flavored bagels."

"I'll have Jesus," SuZ broke out into the pizza bagel bites commercial song.

"Well, I suppose we should properly introduce ourselves before we leave," said Goody Itchy.

"No, we heard your introduction like five times in the last chapter," said a munching Su.

"I mean our real names," said Itchy, slightly perturbed at being reminded of that unfortunate incident involving the repetition of their poem.

"I am Saru, and this is Em," Goody Scratchy cut in.

"Emmmmm, what a nice name," Daigle began to drool.

"Awwww," said the dessert, Su, and Saru in unison.

The unlikely pair began to turn red….very red.

curtain closes temporarily


End file.
